the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Alive.
So much puke
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
