Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
