i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I smell like Dick and happiness
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
