Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
