Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My pussy is not your playground.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
