VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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