You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
