I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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