I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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