you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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