Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
