Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
