Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
