He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
