Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
