Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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