We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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