Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
