She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
