"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
