Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
