I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
