The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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