Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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