Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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