You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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