you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
