thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
