I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
