saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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