i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
