Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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