Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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