Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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