Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
