True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
