So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
