i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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