I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
