Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
