You're my little dorito
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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