Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm just crazy horny about you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
