We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
