i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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