My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
