You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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