i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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