I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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