Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
