I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The adults are the big ones right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
