ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
