I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
